Thought to Challenge: "I Will Gain Weight if I Eat a Fear Food or Don't Exercise Enough"

05/16/18, 5:22pm

So this is technically the next installment in my DBT homework series (though I haven't posted the first one that I wrote yet). The thought to challenge is, "I fear I will gain weight if I eat a fear food or eat too many calories or don't exercise enough."

Point #1: "I could gain at least a pound in a day from eating."

In order to gain a single pound I'd have to eat an additional 3,500 calories in a day. A Women's Health article stated I'd have to eat two chicken wings (110), which I wouldn't because I'm a vegetarian, some onion rings (340), some chips and queso (290), one burger with all included toppings (860), a big slice of chocolate cake (795), and drink three glasses of wine (370) – and I wouldn't even hit the mark yet. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that on average people gain just one pound between Thanksgiving and New Year's, and fewer than 10% of the study participants gained more than five pounds. According to Livestrong one day of binge eating may add a pound or two but it's temporary water weight, not fat. Other things that can make a person gain water weight are a heavy workout, excess sodium intake, dehydration, and a lack of fiber.

Point #2: "I probably consume an extra 3,500 calories in a week. I need to eat less."

I would need to eat an extra 500 calories everyday in order to gain a pound in a week. Based on an estimate by an online calculator, I would need to eat 2,425 calories a day to gain one pound a week and 1,925 calories a day to maintain my weight. This is much more than I currently eat, even with the occasional "binge." Thus my fear of gaining weight at the moment is scientifically/mathematically unfounded.

Point #3: "If I miss a day of exercise, the weight/fat will come back immediately."

According to Livestrong, if you exercise regularly your muscles will remain active and continue burning calories even if you take a day off. You may also gain a bit of weight, but this is water weight. According to a Popsugar article, those who have more of a cardio schedule typically keep their strength even when they take time off. Even after three days without exercise a person wouldn't gain fat as long as their diet didn't drastically change. It's after 10 days that a person starts to lose muscle tone.

Point #4: "Eating a fear food is dangerous. It will definitely make me gain weight."

Refined starchy foods, such as potatoes, white bread, pasta, and crackers, can make you gain weight quickly. They have little fiber to slow digestion, so they convert to glucose almost immediately and raise blood sugar and insulin levels. If you keep you insulin levels high, this makes it hard for fat cells to release energy for fuel so you keep storing it. Sugary foods have the same effect on blood sugar and insulin as starches. On the flip side, vegetables, nuts, fruits, and whole grains are less likely to cause weight gain. As with anything, even "healthy" or "superfoods," you have to eat it in moderation, which can be difficult when you have anxiety about food. Nuts make you fat. Oil makes you fat. Milk makes you fat. Sugar makes you fat. Bread makes you fat. These are basically my mantras. According to a UC Davis Integrative Medicine article, adding nuts to a low fat whole food plant-based diet, which is not too far off from what I eat, will probably make a person gain weight because they're adding a calorie dense food to their diet. BUT a person still has the ability to control the quantity of nuts they consume. AND because nuts have a high satiety level, they will leave a person feeling fuller longer. Healthy fats, like olive oil, can actually keep you from getting fat (in moderation). They slow down digestion, which keeps you feeling fuller longer and helps control blood glucose levels, according to Dr. Joanna McMillan. As a warning, low fat foods are often high in sugar, so read the label! Brown rice, as opposed to white rice, is a whole grain and people who eat whole grains have repeatedly been shown to weigh less than those who don't, which could be attributed to the fiber, nutrients, and plant compounds that increase feelings of fullness. But this doesn't mean that white rice doesn't have weight loss benefits. In a study of overweight Korean women, the mixed (brown and black) rice group lost 14.8 pounds over a six week period while the white rice group lost 11.9 pounds. Grains like quinoa won't make a person fat in themselves. It is nutrient dense and contains complex starches that provide sustained energy. It also has complete protein, which is a good weight loss tool because it helps prevent spikes in blood sugar (which triggers hunger). Quinoa keeps in the stomach longer, so the feeling of satiety lasts for an extended time. Buckwheat also aids in weight loss as it has fewer calories than barely or wheat, free of cholesterol and saturated fat, and rich in protein and fiber. It's also effective in cleansing the intestines by flushing out waste products and toxins. Breads can also be okay to eat while trying to lose weight, as long as the packaging says 100% whole grain/wheat, that one slice has at least 3 grams of fiber, that one slice has no more than 3 grams of sugar, and that there are no hydrogenated oils. However, no more than one slice a day is recommended. I especially hate sugar. There are two ways it causes fat storage. If you fill your body with more fuel than it needs, your liver's storage capacity is exceeded and the excess sugar is converted by the liver into fatty acids that are returned to the bloodstream and stored as fat. Secondly, it spikes your insulin levels and the body's fat burning process is shut down so that the sugar can be immediately used for energy. Insulin takes the sugar and puts it into your muscles. Once the muscle energy stores are full, the excess sugars are converted to fat and stored as adipose tissue in the stomach, hips, butt, and breasts. Then after blood sugar has been reduced, insulin production is delayed and blood sugar levels fall lower, which causes an immediate increase in appetite and the production of a stress hormone called cortisol. Carbohydrates that don't destabilize blood sugar levels include apples, bananas, oatmeal, brown rice, whole grains, beans, lentils, sweet potatoes, yogurt, and soy. The moral of the story is to basically keep your diet as unprocessed as possible. (Back to nuts). Like nuts, nut butters can be healthy and part of a weight loss diet. However, many brands contain unnecessary sugar, salt, and oils, so watch out. It's best to choose an all natural one with one or two ingredients.

Point #5: "If I cheat a little bit, I may as well binge (and purge)."

A 1993 study of individuals with bulimia found that purging was an ineffective strategy for calorie disposal and weight, although it can be an effective compensatory behavior (Science of Eating Disorders). It found that purging, on average, rids the body of only about half the calories consumed regardless of total quantity (50% was the average number of calories retained when the average binge was 2,200 calories). However, for individuals who binged on more than 2,626 calories, there was no linear relationship between intake and calories retained, with most disposing of more than 50% of the binged calories. Although there are problems with the study, in my opinion, and this magical "50%" isn't exactly accurate, I want to make the point that no, I don't have to binge and purge. The reason why I eat/"binge" and purge is because I feel anxious and scared and I know that purging will calm some of that. I feel anxious and all I can think of doing is eating, so I have a couple teaspoons of peanut butter. Then I get even more anxious because of the calories, fat, and oils, so I purge. Sometimes I will eat more because fuck it and because it may make purging feel easier if I'm fuller. What I'm really doing though is avoiding anxiety and fear and giving in to feelings of incompetence ("I can't focus," "I'm not good at anything except eating (and purging)"). Realistically if I don't want any extra calories I should not binge. I should incorporate some calorie dense/high satiety foods into my low-fat diet so that I can feel fuller and not need to binge. I should also reintroduce some fear foods, like peanut butter, back into my diet so that I'll stop seeing them as scary, taboo, and binge/purge-worthy. I need to use urge surfing after every meal in order to avoid binging and to stop associating the end of a meal with purging.

Point #6: "I need to be in control of what I eat so that it doesn't control me."

Right now, food does control me. I spend a lot of time planning what I'll eat, when I'll eat, and how I'll avoid eating. I try to find calorie information on restaurants before going out, or else I'll just get a house salad (no dressing) or a side of veggies. I exercise mainly to burn off calories (though also for the health benefits, and because my family has a history of high blood pressure and running is one of the ways my grandfather deals with it). Right now food is my enemy. I always feel guilty and anxious after eating. I have conflicting feelings of "I don't deserve to eat because I'm fat and it's a waste of food" and "I need to eat so much more even though I already feel full or at least not hungry." A lot of changes happened my senior year of university and I lost a lot of friends, either because they graduated or I stopped talking to them. I guess I felt that if I could control what I ate, I would lose weight and then people would like me (and I would like myself) and life would be better. It was a way to deal with stress – to shift the focus entirely to food and weight. I think I had all the makings for an eating disorder. Low self-esteem. Perfectionism. A propensity to isolate. Occasional binging and purging in high school and college. I just needed the extra stress of losing my support systems and impending graduation to push me into it. Plus I've known people (acquaintances and close friends) with eating disorders, and those who know others with EDs or ED behaviors are more likely to develop one themselves. I've had problems with food and weight since elementary school, but for the past almost a year they have swallowed my life. I've given up working on a healthy relationship with food for thinness, and I don't know if and when I want to change this. Sometimes I feel like I would give it all up for thinness. Being thin means so much to me. I've wanted it for so long. Since about the 4th or 5th grade. I'm less ashamed of my body now. But because I'm a perfectionist I believe I need to keep working on it. And now eating is more anxiety-inducing than before. If anything, I want to maintain. I want to maintain my physique and slowly reintroduce fear foods. I really want to stop binging and purging. I want to feel emotionally okay when a meal ends. At this point, I don't know if I'll ever be the normal eater that other want me to be, but I want a life free of binging and treating food and my body like crap.